July 2008
Baggage Check
There comes a time in our lives when we begin to feel the weight of the world–particularly the power of gravity–on our shoulders (as well as our bodies.) Wrinkles on our face visit just a little bit longer when we smile, our energy level takes a nosedive, and the things we eat amazingly weigh heavier than before. It isn’t surprising that, along the way, we accumulate our share of baggage–not only in the physical form on our waistlines and thighs but in emotional weight from past relationships, as well. Really, it’s a wonder some of us can even walk with what we carry around.
On the plane back to West Virginia, I observed a teenage girl a few seats ahead of me. She impatiently shifted her feet, flipped through a magazine, and adjusted her earphones–all within the space of thirty seconds. The flight attendant saw this and, to lessen the girl’s anxiety, went over to ask if it was her first time flying. And to no surprise on my behalf, the girl smiled and nodded.
It was easy for me to spot the few who had never flown before, and it was just as easy to spot the people who had. For example, a man sitting across from me was already attempting to get some sleep before the plane even took off–his head rested against the glass of the window and saliva nestled in the corner of his mouth. His only concern involved sleep. But I guess once you’ve flown, it’s never as intense as before–the giddy apprehension fades when you have baggage and security checks, late planes, and layovers. It’s beyond a hassle to get anywhere. But it got me thinking about life: is the same true with dating? Each of us spends a significant amount of time waiting and wondering for that significant other to come along. Do all singles ask themselves the same uncertain question: ‘will I ever get there?’
The older we get, the more we see how much the dating scene evolves–it gets harder. Superficial concerns like ‘What kind of car does this person drive?’ are replaced with more profound concerns like, ‘How much emotional baggage is this person hauling in the trunk?’ Because, unless you date teenagers, the people you come across have normally been burned more than once by love, and they’re not as eager about the whole process as they once were. You either have the person who tells you too little about themselves, or you have the person who divulges all areas of life from finance to problems with irritable bowel within the first date. Regardless, by the end of the night, conversations normally give us a good hunch as to why the person is still flying solo. When we reach that certain age, does the first date become the emotional baggage check?
We’ve all been on the date that quickly turns into a therapy session. You sit there listening to the person talk about all of the things they’d never fully come to terms with in their lives. And as they go on and on, you imagine all of their emotional baggage being lifted across one of those baggage belts and then hastily thrown on top of you like boulders. And the more you listen to their rant, the more you realize the entire date is hopeless; if their suitcase is full of the past, there will never be room for you in the future. But one can’t help but wonder how many other people, like them, are forever scarred from bad dates and horrible break-ups. Are some people just better at hiding knives in their conversational suitcases? In a day and age when airlines charge fifty dollars to check extra baggage at the gate, should we be as strict when it comes to dating? When there is too much baggage, do we instantly deny others access to our hearts?
After the plane touched down in Charleston, West Virginia, I grabbed my carry-on and smiled at the nervous girl as I held the small suitcase in my hands. I knew I had my fair share of baggage, but at least it was all neatly packed and stowed away. I realized that, despite how much we want to bring along with us, it’s always better to be wise and leave the things that weigh us down at home.
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Friendships
Since there’s nothing but a wide variety of commercialized restaurants in Beckley, it’s not uncommon for me to be at one of them with a friend on a Saturday night. And one thing that always bothers me is the fact that it’s always assumed the person I’m with is either my significant other or my sex partner. Mind you, I never explicitly grope my friends when in public, hold their hands, kiss them as if I want them to taste what I ate earlier, or even rub up against them like a cat in heat. Nothing in the world besides the fact that we’re out in public together states that our intimacy level is a notch above friendship. Yet when someone asks–and after I assure them we’re merely friends–a smile creeps on their face and an eyebrow raises in suspicion that, behind closed doors, I‘m secretly screwing the person I‘m with. It’s as if I can’t have male or female friends anymore without judgment; it‘s always linked to sex. I know that after a certain age in childhood, we’re not allowed to have dessert without first having an entrée. So when we reach adulthood, are we no longer allowed to have friends without a relationship?
Things change so much as we grow up, though. It seems that at a certain age we’re not allowed to have personal lives anymore. Everyone inquires about personal things on a daily basis, not out of concern, but because they‘re just nosey. Sometimes I miss the days on the playground swinging without worries beside my friends. Back then no one got aroused when two girls held hands, and no one thought we were getting it on in behind the slide. Heck, we didn’t even know what sex was at that time–we thought those things in our underwear were merely holes where pee came out of. But now that I’ve gotten older, it’s all about the man in my pants. People wonder who he’s seeing, what’s he doing, how much he’s grown, and when he’s going to find the missing ‘gap’ to complete him. Honestly, it’s all some people care about upon talking to you. It’s not ‘what are your goals?’ or ‘what are your hobbies?’–it’s ‘what is the size of your penis?’. Really, can you pick a person based on the twig and berries beneath their Fruit of the Looms?
A lot of people don’t really know the person they’re with because the only thing they wanted to know about the other person, initially, dealt with something on their body. Don’t get me wrong–physical attraction is important in a relationship. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from the past, it’s that you have to have more of a connection beyond the physical. Relationships aren’t filling without substance.
I believe that choosing a person should be like choosing an entrée on a menu at a restaurant–if you take your time and get something you actually want, you’ll enjoy it even more. And if there’s nothing you want on the menu, it’s okay to defy what others think–order a drink, sit around with the magnificent people you know as friends, and enjoy the conversations you‘ll never forget rather than relationships you wish you could…
And that’s the final “Live and Learn.” Thanks for reading and allowing me to tell about my life for an amazing year! I wish everyone the best! Continue to live, learn, and love…
