Devsliveandlearn’s Weblog

       Growing up, I was always told to be content with what I had and, in all honesty–for the most part–I was. I guess it’s like they say: “You don’t miss what you don’t have.” Not that my family was deathly poor by any means, but there were times we had our share of struggles. There were times when, if I had been fully aware of the situation, I would have worried about life like I do now.

       My father worked in the mines until he hurt his back in 1988 and became bedridden for a time. He fought that war triumphantly over the course of two years, but we still had the small battles in between. During that period, my mother worked full-time to support us and attended college full-time–all the while raising four children, taking care of my dad, and tending to housework, simultaneously. Now that I look back on that time, I’m more than proud of her and my father’s great strength and selfless courage. If that’s not heroism and love, I don’t know what is.

       I remember there being a spell when we had to seek government assistance because we couldn’t make ends meet. I still recall that book of food stamps under the dull florescent lights of the grocery store and the smell of the fresh vegetables we could never afford, but I just stood next to my mother–usually with a lollipop in my hand from the visit to the bank–and I was content because I never completely understood what was going on. But I guess that’s part of the blissful ignorance we have when we’re younger.

       I never swallowed that empty gulp of pride in order to survive, even though my mother did it with an unflinching smile. I only knew that those pieces of paper my mother ripped from the book brought food to the table, and not once did I ever feel ashamed of what we did or didn’t have. I was too young then to fully comprehend popularity, reputations, and materialism. I didn’t realize the struggle my parents went through in order to give my siblings and me the best life they could have. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate it–I just didn’t grasp the complexity of living. But, looking back, I do believe those struggles brought us closer together and made us appreciate the good times. We needed each other to survive.

       Over the course of the years, my dad’s back healed (thanks to the grace of God) and he left the mines behind him. He went on to get his bachelor’s degree, and my mother graduated with her bachelor’s degree as well. My siblings and I grew up as fast as the new home we had built; and before we knew it, our eyes and ears were opened to the world. And there’s something about that step out into life that means you can’t return to that naiveté you used to know–once you bite from the fruit, you never wash the bittersweet taste from your mouth.

       I’ve learned a lot since those days at the grocery store, and I’m certainly not the gullible little boy I was then. Now that I’m older, I realize the difference between the things we want in life and the things we actually need. Sometimes we desire the things that aren’t good for us, and those things are usually those are that which hinder us from truly growing as people. We always want the sugary things without real substance or value–what we probably shouldn’t consume to fill our lives.

       I admit there are times when I still want a taste of what probably isn’t good for me, and there are times when I’m just as trusting of others as my younger self. But I now have the understanding to fully realize my actions have consequences–I know I don’t need what will wear me down. However, there are still moments.  I don’t care about the cost, and that’s when the real struggle begins. Sometimes you just want a taste of that fruit–damn the unfulfilling bitterness that comes later!

       Now I’m learning to appreciate and to be content with what I have. I have a great job, wonderful family and friends, and a bright future ahead of me–even if there are some things missing in my personal life right now. I’ve learned the people who are there for me are the people who matter most; and people who genuinely care express themselves, unselfishly. They are there in times of struggle, and they don’t abandon you when problems arise.